


Man Enough

by halfpastmonsoon



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Misgendering, Pre-Canon, Sad Ending, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 13:53:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16388945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfpastmonsoon/pseuds/halfpastmonsoon
Summary: A look into the life of Chihiro Fujisaki





	Man Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Chihiro's story resonated with me and imo it really works with a transmasculine reading. You're 1000% free to disagree, of course.
> 
> And yes, I do depict the bullying from Chihiro's childhood, trust that it pained me to write

Since he could only remember, Fujisaki Chihiro knew he's a boy. Everyone, from his doctors to his peers, tried to convince him otherwise, but he knew better. He felt it in his bones and in his soul. It felt right, even though he would be the first to admit he was far from a stereotypical man, with his small frame, his timid personality, aversion to violence...

He first realised he's male around the time he was six years old. He wanted to be like the admirable men he saw on TV, and it just felt right to call himself a boy. He first told his father, whom he trusted more than anyone.

'Papa?' he prompted, tugging on his dad's shirt until he got his attention.

'What is it?' Fujisaki Taichi's gentle voice encouraged Chihiro to speak up. He inhaled sharply.

'I think I'm a boy, papa,' he closed his eyes nervously and waited. 

'Oh,' Taichi whispered softly, loooking down at his child. Chihiro waited patiently, too nervous to move or open his eyes. After a few seconds, he felt a warm hand on the top of his head, ruffling his hair. He opened one eye to look at his father, who was now crouching in front of him.

'That's fine,' Taichi murmured softly, 'son.'

Chihiro smiled and rushed into his father's arms. It's not just me! It's not wrong! his mind chanted as his tiny body was held in a protective embrace.

He was not aware, though, that his father was, in that moment, more nervous than ever before. He knew that even if he accepts Chihiro as his son, others might not be so eager to. He knew also that he will have to protect him even more now.

Fujisaki Taichi prayed as he held his son in his arms, offering him the one safe haven he was going to have.

Unfortunately, his worries were proven right extremely soon.

'You're not a boy!'

'I am..I am a boy,' Chihiro insisted before a kick to the shins sent him down onto the hard ground, scraping his knee. He fought back the tears and examined the wound as anoother kick was aimed at his back, knocking him over face-first.

'You're not a boy. If you are, prove it!' one of the little boys teased, as Chihiro tried to get up from the ground, a mixture of tears, blood and sand covering his face. It appeared that the last kick gave him a nosebleed. He could hardly see, his eyelashes heavy with sand. A cough shooook his small body before he finally managed to speak up again.

'How can I prove it? I am a boy!' he cried out before another coughing fit clogged up his throat.

'Fight me like a man, then!' the boy challenged him. Chihiro shook his head with all the strength he head, grimacing from pain.

'Fighting is bad! I won't fight you!' he shouted hoarsely before the boy slapped him on the head, causing him to bite his tongue. The taste of blood filled his mouth.

'Then you're not a boy. You're just a crybaby,' said another boy, kkicking his back again.

'You're not even fun to beat up like this,' said the main boy, waving at the others, 'let's go, guys.'

And so, they left him, bleeding on the ground, coughing up blood. Soon, a teacher found him. He never said who it was that beat him up this badly – he decided that if he can't be strong, he can at least avoid being a snitch. The teacher called his father, and Chihiro was taken back home.

Fujisaki Taichi witnessed his biggest nightmare, as his son stood in front of him with a dirty face and scraped knees, along with purple bruises on his back. The teacher had disinfected the wounds, but Chihiro still was the very embodiment of suffering, his body shaking.

Taichi knew he can't cry right now. He needs to be the stable one here.

As he carried Chihiro to his bed later, he heard a whisper.

'Yes, what is it, son?' he asked.

'Papa...I think I can't be a boy, after all...'

'What do you mean?'

'I...I think nobody but you believes I'm a boy,' he whispered, tears forming in his eyes, 'I think I should pretend to be a girl when I'm not home,' he added in a serious tone.

'Are you sure you're fine with that?' Taichi watched Chihiro nod weakly, pursing his lips with determination.

'There's nothing else I can do, papa. It's fine,' he insisted. Taichi sighed. He knew painfully well that Chihiro is not going to be taken seriously as a boy. Not with his gentle personality and fragile body. It was not fair, and it was not logical, but it was the sad truth. Chihiro was beyond even the standards of herbivore men.

Taichi wept as soon as he put Chihiro to sleep, knowing he will have to transfer schools and put the plan in motion as soon as he recovers.

That was, indeed, what happened. Chihiro got the girl's uniform for school, and he avoided gendering himself around people.

As he got older, his body barely grew. He was always one of the shortest people in class, and the worst at gym. His avesion to violence made him particularly vulnerable during games like dodgeball. He didn't mae many friends, but he was aware that he had many secret admirers, who were attracted to his meek personlity and small build. He would have enjoyed the attention from bys if it wasn't built upon false assumptions. He wished he could comfortably spend time with them, look at them and touch them, but not when they thought of him as a girl.

He considered himself lucky in certain respects, starting with his unisex name (thank you, dad!). Even though his body was small to a frustrating degree, it also gave him a blessedly androgynous figure. His chest was almost perfectly flat, conveniently relieving him of the need to bind, and his boyish hips didn't stick out at all. His hair was kept at a length that would be considered short and tomboyish for a girl, but on the longer side for boys. At the very least, the universe blessed him with a perfectly androgynous appearance.

The only downside was having to wear the female uniform all his life. He didn't mind it by itself, the clothes were comfortable and he wore them out of his own will at home, too. He hated how other people saw them, though. He neever introduced himself as a girl, and avoided gendering himself in general, but everyone without fail assumed he was female and addressed him as such, especially if he was bullied by someone.

'Hey, don't pick on girls!'

'Try with someone your size, leave the weak alone!'

He flinched whenever he heard those defences. They came from a place of sympathy and good intentions, he knew that. But being called a girl, and even moreso – being called weak, made him feel painfully inadequate all over again.His pacifist heart desired strength and acceptance, but never made an attempt to achieve them, having been burnt before.

There was one thing that reassured him, at least. The packer in his underwear, comfortably filling the space between his pants. He never left home without it, because it was the one thing that made him feel secure in his identity. He hoped that one day he could get surgery, when he reachess adulthood and can stop worrying about school bulies. Bbut until that day, he had to settle for hat he had available.

In his spare time, he took up programming, keeping it a secret from his father until he was found out. To his great relief, Taichi encouraged that hobby, so Chihiro never gave it up. Eventually, it paid off – he received an invitation to the Hope's Peak Academy, a prestigious school for talented youth. And so, instead of continuing onto his second year of high school, he went on to enrol in the academy of guaranteed success.

He had to say goodbye to his father, who prayed every day that he would be alright out there by himself – this time he could never predict in which direction Chihiro's life would take off, and perhaps he was better off for it. Chihiro got locked up inside the school and was murdered by a classmate, and that was the end of him, after all.

On top of that, he died wthout his school memories, unaware that he had found acceptance there months before his untimely death. He might not have remembered it, but one person did.

Chihiro's life at Hope's Peak initially went similarly to all the previous ones – he was assumed to be a girl, and he avoided making friends. Unlike the orthrer times, though, he was eventually pleasantly surprised to see that he was surrounded by good, kind, open-minded people, who were all just as eccentric and passionate as him. Many of them asked him about his talent, and were impressed by his programs. He felt accepted, and genuinely cared about. He made friends, and he even developed a crush on one Oowada Mondo, who looked like the man he saw on tv as a child and admired with his entire heart.

He was also amazed to see a woman as strong as Oogami Sakura, the most athletic person in the class, even moreso than Mondo. Finally, he was pleasantly surprised to see a boy as short and sheepish as Naegi Makoto. His classmates were diverse on many fronts, and it made him think about his identity again. Perhaps he could be accepted as a boy despite being weak.

He decided to try to come out to at least one person.

'Excuse me, Naegi-kun?'

'Oh, hi. What's up' Naegi turned towards him. He was one of the many people in Chihiro's life who were attracted to his shyness and gentle nature, and Chihiro trusted him as a fellow weak boy, so the choicee was pretty logical.

'Could we talk in private for a second?' Chihiro asked, nervously fiddling ith his fingers. He noticed a small blush on Naegi's cheeks and roled his eyes internally. This was going to be challenging.

The pair entered the now empty gym. Chihiro turned towards Naegi who smiled witth a mixture of nervousness and encouragement.

'So, what is it?' he prodded gently. Chihro sighed.

'What I wanted to say is...I'm a boy.'

'..Eh?' It was clear that this was the last thing Naegi expected. Colour drained from his face as he blinked in surprise. He started scratching his head with an awkward smile. 'That's a joke, right?'

'No...I'm really a boy,' Chihiro repeated, close to tears. 'Does it..not suit me?'

'It's not about suiting you, it's just...' Naegi explained awkwardly 'it's just that you're a girl.'

'No..I mean it. I'm really a boy,' tears of frustration rolled down Chihiro's cheeks, 'you can touch my chest if you don't believe me!' he added desperately, blessing his flat chest once again. Naegi shook his head, but Chihiro grabbed his hand and shoved it against his own chest.

'...Huh?' Naegi gasped and pulled his hand away. 'You really were serious...I'm so sorry,' he said sheepishly. Chihiro looked down sadly.

'It's okay. I know it seems like a joke. I'm too weak to seem like a boy.'

'You're not weak!' Naegi insisted, waving his hands, 'it was brave of you to tell me!'

'You think...?' Chihiro said doubtfully. Naegi nodded with sincerity. 'I suppose so...thank you...don't tell anyone, though, okay? I will...tell them myself when I'm ready.'

'Of course, your secret's safe with me!'

The two smiled at each otther and left the gym. Entering his dorm, Chihiro smiled in relief.

The next confession happened a few weeks later, and it was much more accidental.

During gym, the class was forced to sprint. Chihiro was never a fan of that, as his stamina was non-existent. As per usual, he didn't last, stumbling onto the ground midway. He breathed heavily, keeping his hands on his knees.

'Gurl, you should really starting bringin' water with you to the gym. Y'wanna pass out or what?'

He turned towards the voice and saw a water bottle right in front of his face, held out by a hand decorated with beautiful red fake nails.

'Thank you, Enoshima-san,' he said weakly, hesitant to take it.

'Jeez, don't thank me, just take it already,' she rolled her eyes as he grabbed the bottle, downing it quickly. 'You can keep it, by the way.'

'Wow, th-'

'Doooooooon't thank me Just take it to class next time or I swear I'm gonna snap~' she giggled, sending a chill up his spine. Despite her good looks and intimidating attitude, she was friendly towards him, and he always felt lucky because of that. She seemed trustworthy, in fact...

'Enoshima-san, can we talk for a second?' She raised her eyebrow curiously.

'I don't have to run, so it's fine I guess. What's up?'

'Well, um,' Chihiro got up from the ground and faced her 'I wanted to tell you something, but it's a secret, okay?'

'Oh, I can totally keep a secret, gurl, shoot,' she assured, waving her hand nonchalantly.

And so, Chihiro told her his story. She didn't react at all, letting him speak, keeping her poker face. In actuality, though, she was storing that information away, down to the tiniest details. He wasn't the first person to tell her a story like that. She knew how to appear trustworthy, and listening was the easy part – she had information on many of her classmates because of that.

Eventually, he finished, looking at her curiously. It was time for her to react.

'Man, you had it rough, huh?' she said, 'that sucks ass. But you're safe with me, dude,' she winked at him, making his heart flutter immediately. So predictable, she thought.

And then, gym was over.

Chihiro came back to his dorm, feeling more confident than ever.

Enoshima-san was so nice!!...

There was one more person he wanted to tell for sure.

'Oowada-kun?' he muttered a few days later, tugging on Mondo's jacket until he noticed him.

'Ah, what's up?' 

'Could we talk?' he gulped, feeling his legs shake ever-so-slighly.

'Yeah, sure,' Mondo waved at their other friends and followed Chihiro to his dorm. When hey arrived there, Chihiro balled his hands into fists and puffed out his cheeks with determination.

'Oowada-kun, I have some things I need to tell you!' he informed in a serious tone. Mondo nodded, surprised to see him in such a state. Chihiro sighed and looked him in the eyes. 'First off, I-I'm a boy! You can touch my chest if you don't believe me,' he added, remembering the experience with Naegi. Mondo sat there dumbfounded, his mouth hanging agape. Chihiro's legs started shaking again. After a full minute, which felt like an eternity, he shook his head.

'No, I don't need to. I believe you.'

'Huh?' Chihiro's eyes widened in surprise. 'Really?'

'Yeah,' Mondo nodded slowly, 'I have no reason not to. You need serious balls to do something like this,' he added, scratching the back of his head, deep in thought. Chihirobit his lip, tilting his head to the side.

'I probably shouldn't tell you this so suddenly after telling you I'm a boy but...I like you, Oowwada-kun. If you're uncomfortable wit that-'

'I'm not,' Mondo interrupted him. 'I'm not uncomfortable, but...I need time to think, okay? I promise I won't let anything get in the way of our friendship, but I need to process this,' he walked towards the door, 'you should tell Kuwata if you haven't, now we can have guys' nights out,' he winked a Chihiro before leaving him with his thoughts and a furiously beatiing heart.

Mondo kept his promise, and didn't treat Chihiro any differently, and they remained good friends, making many happy memories.

And those memories rushed through Chihiro's head years later as the dumbbell was getting closer and closer, finally smasheing into his skull. He remembered when it was too late, and he didn't even have time to remind Mondo that he knew, that they had done this before and it was fine, that they were friends and he would never harm him.

The day that filled him with hope, the day when he could transition, would never come, as his body lay on the floor with a hole in his head, bleeding out and lifeless.


End file.
